Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
