tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
