i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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