I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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