May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
