ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
