I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
