New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
