Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
