I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
