pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
