marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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