smell my finger.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
