I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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