atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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