How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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