Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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