I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
