i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
