I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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