Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
