I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
