I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize