I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
