I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
