I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
