Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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