Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
