I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
