kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
