I wanna bring you to show and tell
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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