so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
