drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
