dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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