just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
