i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
