So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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