Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize