found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
