i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
