Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
