i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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