Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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