Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
