this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize