I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
