Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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