I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
