I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You work out of a Hotel?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
