Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
