We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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