thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
