Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am one with the molecules
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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