my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sarcasm needs its own font
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
