Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
