I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
