I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
