Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
