Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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