he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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