dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
