kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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