can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
